HOW TO ASK YOUR BOSS FOR A SALARY INCREASE..?     

One day an employee sends a letter to his boss asking for an increase in his salary !!!

Dear Bo$$

      In thi$ life, we all need $ ome thing mo$ t de $perately. I think you $ hould be under$ tanding of the need $ of u $ worker $ who have given $ o much $upport including $weat and $ ervice to your company.

I am $ ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re $pond $ oon.  

   

Your $ $incerely,  
Norman $oh      

The next day, the employee received this letter of reply :

   

Dear NO rman,

    I k NOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NO thing much has changed. You must have NO ticed that our company is NO t doing NO ticeably well as yet.

NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading eco NO mists are NO t sure if the United States may go into aNO ther recession. After the NO vember presidential elections things may turn bad .

I have NO thing more to add NO w. You kNO w what I mean.

Yours truly,

Manager

              9 Things I Hate About Everyone                      
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
   1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.. I know   
  where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch  
                      when I ask where the toilet is?        
                                                                            
  2 People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room  
for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the
                             channel manually.                              
                                                                            
   3 When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too".  
             Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?             
                                                                           
4 When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. 
  Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do  
           this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!            
                                                                            
  5 When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I 
        paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.         
                                                                            
                                                                           
6   People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"... Didn't really give me a 
                       choice there, did ya sunshine?                      
                                                                           
7    When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then
   there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then   
         there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.         
  

Four guys and a woman are stuck in an elevator.
While they are stuck, they strike up a conversation.

The first guy says, "I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E. , you know...
''Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist.''

The second guy says, "I'm a D.I.N.K.Y., you know...
''Double Income, No Kids Yet. "

The third guy says, "I'm a R.U.B., you know...
''Rich, Urban, Biker. "

The fourth guy says, I am a D.I.L.D.O., you know...
''Double Income, Little Dog Owner.''

They turn to the woman and ask her.
''What are you?''

She replies: "I'm a WIFE, you know...
Wash, Iron, F@#@, Etc.''

Pecans in the Cemetery

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree, just inside the cemetery fence.   One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts & sat down by the tree, out of sight, & began dividing the nuts.   "One for you, one for me.  One for you, one for me," said one boy.   Several  dropped & rolled down toward the fence.

Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle.   As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery.   He slowed down to  investigate.   Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me.  One for you, one for me."    He just knew what it was.   He jumped back on his bike & rode off.

Just around the bend, he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.   "Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard!  Satan & the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls."   The man said, "Beat it ! Kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk."    When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled to the cemetery.

Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me.  One for you, one for me."    The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' the truth.  Let's see if we can see the Lord."  Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything.   The old man & the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter & tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.

At last they heard, "One for you, one for me.  That's all.  Now let's go get those nuts by the fence & we'll be done."

They say the old man made it back to town a full 5 minutes ahead of the boy on the bike!!